I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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