I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
