I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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