So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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