Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's blow job season.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
