if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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