i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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