3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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