i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
