somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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