so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
