I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
