then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
