dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He did a backflip because drugs
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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