We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
