That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
