I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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