I accidentally had phone sex last night
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
There r osticjed everywhere
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
God I need to hump something, right now.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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