I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
