All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
