I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
