I must be too annoying 4 u.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
