I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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