What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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