I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
