And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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