I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
