Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
