Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i think i have two assholes
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize