Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The best revenge is premature balding
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
