hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize