Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
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