just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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