i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
