i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We're too hungover to prance.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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