she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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