If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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