Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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