I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
