I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
