he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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