and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
