I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
