Do you still have your period?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
