He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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