If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
