If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
