That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My balls are so social today.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
