So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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