Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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