There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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