The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
