LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
