i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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