Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
