bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
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SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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