i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
