remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
