theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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