I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
