Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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