They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So here I am, sexting at work.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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