Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
