and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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