I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
