she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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