let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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