so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
