how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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