so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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