she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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