i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
