You smell like stripper and shame
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
