I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I want a musical about memes.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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