apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
