Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize