Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
